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March 1, 2010 / Jenny Ann Fraser

Moving Forward

Last night, I found myself in a crowded tiny bar with some old friends whom I hadn’t seen in months, and we partied until after 3:00 in the morning.

I realized shortly after I arrived and struck up a conversation that I hadn’t had a night out in a bar since my first annual 40th birthday back in early September.

I’m not sure if this means that I’m getting old, or that I’m finally growing up, or, I just work too damn much. Maybe it’s a combination of all three?  Although, I really had my doubts about the whole growing up thing when I had to get up for work this morning.

Despite the fact that I had to hand-baste my eyelids open to make it through the day of sewing Flamenco skirts, it wasn’t a bad day, but it was just the beginning of  what I fear will be six weeks of sheer hell.  Maybe I should have rested a bit more this weekend? At the very least, I should have done some laundry.

Tomorrow, I go back to the theatre after a two week lay-off, to begin prepping for a show that I have neither the time, the budget, or the staff to build.  But apparently I’ll do it anyway.

This week,  I will also build two tiny little, costumes for a dear friend’s fitness competition, finish the 13 skirts that I barely got started on today, and then I will get to work on building dresses a friend’s clothing line.  I think there are 50 or 60 of them.

I will also continue blogging, and learning the ins and outs of marketing my new business.  Bags, sadly will have to be put on hold for the time being.

Clearly I need to buy more underwear and socks.

I have to say, that realizing that I would have to put my bags aside for what seems like an eternity, temporarily shrunk my happy bubble from last week, but it’s mostly back now.

I promised myself when I first came up with my “just so crazy it might work” business plan last summer, that I would practice accepting “what is” and not allow myself to be discouraged by any obstacles that I encounter along the way.  This working what feels like 5 different jobs just to scrape by this season has definately been an obstacle, but I’ve accepted the waiting and well? I am making progress!

I know, that now more than ever, I’m going to have to work hard at staying positive and really monitoring my thoughts.  It’s amazing how long-term sleep deprivation can turn me into a homicidal bitch. I can’t afford to let that happen.

I need to remind myself when I get into the thick of this that “This too shall pass” and that all this work will not only pay the rent, it will also hopefully help to finance my dream.  I also have to remember to be grateful.

I may be eating nothing but a steady diet of macaroni and cheese, but it’s real macaroni, with real cheese.  I could even diversify and try a grilled cheese sandwhich if I can remember to buy bread.

My job is difficult, and incredibly stressful at times, and does not pay me enough to live, but I can go to work in my pajamas if I want to, and I can wear a tiara every day. And I will!  How many women get to come even that close to being a princess?

After April 8th, I will lie on my couch eating junk food, knitting dish cloths, and napping every other hour for probably about a week, and then I’ll get to work on what I really want to work on.  Making bags!

And then… it will be spring.

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3 Comments

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  1. Fjola Sprague-Cole / Mar 10 2010 12:43 am

    If you follow your passion every day of your life, it becomes too much like work. Think of this time as the tide going out, rest your brain from your business plan (I know your brain ain’t “restin”) and let that idea gather up strength. Life is all ebb and flow – breath in, breath out; tide in, tide out; sun up, sun down. You have planted the seed, now it needs the next 6 weeks to germinate and when the spring comes, your beautiful creation will be ready to flower!! ❤

    • jennyannfraser / Mar 10 2010 3:25 pm

      Thank you so much! You are SO right! Everything will happen in it’s own good time. It has so far and I really appreciate the reminder.

  2. Tuner / Mar 10 2010 4:10 pm

    Keep those positive vibes going! Its amazing how they will come back to you tenfold, when you least expect them and when you need them the most. And dont forget laughter. Laughing all the time is not only fun, but its a great cover for those times when you truly are insane. LOVE YA! ~TUNER~

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