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March 10, 2010 / Jenny Ann Fraser

The Best Laid Plans…

or How To Remain Positive When…

Possibly the most valuable lesson that I’ve learned in the last couple of years, is that the quality of my life is largely determined by how and what I think.

Knowing this however is one thing… actually being in control of my thoughts is a whole different ball game. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, but ultimately, I’m 100% responsible for what goes on in this brain of mine.

My plan had been to peacefully put my business plans aside and focus on work for the next 6 weeks, but on my first day back to work, I woke up with a sore throat.

By noon that day, my sore throat had turned into a headache that seriously raged through my entire body, chills and a definite need to go home to bed where I stayed until Friday.

I must mention here, that this is the first time in 10 years that I have missed so much work. I usually just drag my ass into my shop no matter what because as we’ve all heard, “The show must go on”.  This time it wasn’t an option. I could barely drag my ass 11 feet to my bathroom for three days, regardless of how much work I had to do, (a lot) or who I was letting down.

My flu then turned into a cold which I still can’t seem to shake.  I’m definately on the mend, but haven’t been able to sleep because I still apparently have a lung that needs to be coughed up.  (I lost one somewhere on the weekend I’m sure.)

So now I’ve lost a week of valuable prep time, haven’t started the fitness competition costumes, and I can’t work on my friend’s  clothing line because one of my machines is broken after 19 years of faithful service, and I can’t afford to do anything about it because I don’t have money to pay for the part I need until Friday, which doesn’t matter much, because I can’t seem to find the part, and can’t take time off to pick it up anyway.

My gut reaction to all of this is to just go back to bed, but if I try to lie down, I’ll lose the other lung for sure.

So I will continue to plod along as best I can.  I remind myself that I’m not a surgeon, and no one will die because I’m a bit slow these days.

I truly hate the fact that there may be an 80 hour week or two in my immediate future, but I think at this point, my best chance of avoiding  or maybe just surviving that, is to continue my quest for a cold medicine that will allow me to lie down for a while.

On one hand, I’m finding it difficult not to tell myself the story of how much all of this sucks, which is useless because I already know that. But, at the same time I’m finding it all quite funny. I realize that this may just be insanity due to sleep deprivation, but it beats crying which always makes me look like crap in the morning.  I already look like crap.  I’m sick. Fortunately I don’t care how I look. Somehow, I don’t see any dating in my immediate future.

I have the option of deciding how I choose to perceive this situation and I’m going to hold on to my sense of humour like a snapping turtle holds onto it’s prey. Or, to be truthful, like I would imagine a snapping turtle would hold onto it’s prey because I’ve never met one and I know nothing about them.

I have a new un-opened bottle of nyquil for tonight, and tomorrow, my tiara and prozac glasses. (More about prozac glasses in a future post) and I am about to pull of a major feat of costuming brilliance.  That’s how and what I choose to think about my current circumstance.  Hopefully, the delusion will hold for a while.

Behind all this, some great happiness is hiding.

-Yehuda Amechai

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3 Comments

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  1. BK / Mar 19 2010 10:08 pm

    “I cannot always control what goes on outside, but I can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer. You are right that it can be a challenge to always control our mind. I wish that you will find the strength to go through the challenge every time it comes up. Wishing goodness in all areas of your life and that you have nothing to fear.

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