Why I Don’t Have A Bucket List
I believe in goal setting and I believe in intention. I believe that these things can help you succeed in life… but past that, I have more questions about what I want for my future than answers.
In truth, I am very content with this state of being. I find that questions are often far more interesting than answers, as well as far more certain. Questions live in the moment, answers in the future. I’m all about learning to better live in the moment these days.
At this point in time however, I seem to be somewhat lacking in concrete long-term goals. I have a few short-term goals designed to lead me to whatever will happen next. I am pretty much guaranteed to succeed at that goal because something always does happen next.
This feels natural and comfortable to me. I suspect it is the result of my finally being happy, and realizing that my happiness comes from within. There is nothing that I am certain I require to be happy in the future. At least nothing that I am not confident is on it’s way to me. Being comfortable means I’m willing to let things happen and accept the results as lessons that I need to learn, or signposts designed to lead me to the next adventure.
This may seem ridiculous, or even irresponsible, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. It is a new path, and one that so far is serving me well even though it might seem to some, as though I’m in a bit of a state of limbo. This state of “just being” has brought great peace into my life and peace is what I believe we all really want. I know that this is what I have been searching for.
Goals that I have set in the past that haven’t been achieved have taught me things that I clearly needed to know. Believing that my happiness and well-being, not to mention my self worth is somehow tied to my success at achieving my goals has left me miserable and wanting.
My life experience suggests that the more I want…the more I want.
A permanent state of wanting would definitely not not be on the bucket list if I had one.
This has nothing to do with giving up.
I have known several Eyeore’s in my lifetime. We’ve all met them. Eyeore’s are those who choose not to want or hope for anything in order to save themselves the pain of being let down.
This is not what I’m doing, I am far too much like Tigger for that. I have dreams of greatness. I just don’t know for certain what that greatness looks like, how it will manifest, or that it will be greatness based on some common standard.
I do know that it lies within me, my passions, my talents and whatever it is that they can contribute to those around me.
I’ve tried fitting into the 9-5 put your head down, be a cog in the wheel, focus on money and things and well…I just suck at it.
Since I can’t find success and happiness in mediocrity, it is highly unlikely that I will find it in something that I’m really bad at doing. So, I’ve decided to stop wasting my time trying to fit into that box when I can’t even find it …
My goals at the moment.
· Go to work, do my job. Be as positive and grateful as I can, and do my best to remain focused when I’m there. Taking on extra side-work is unfortunately necessary, but I am not going to take on so much that I don’t leave myself any time or energy to explore what I need to do to move forward in both my personal life and career. (Which by the way, is probably a good idea as I have always had trouble telling the two apart.)
·Write. That’s it. Just write. Write whatever, whenever. The priority, is to do it regularly and often. Even if I don’t feel like it sometimes, because that is when I find that I learn the most. I am very willing to wait for a while to see what happens and learn what writing has to teach me.
·Sing. Same rules as for writing… exactly. I am no longer singing with the goal of achieving some specific level of competence. I’m singing to see what I can do without attaching myself to a desired outcome. It feels so much better this way.
·Make time for friends and loved ones. Yes, the above list is pretty ambitious since all three things that I listed take up almost all of my time, so I had to put this one on it so that I don’t forget. The point here. Just have fun. Accept and appreciate all of the love that I have always had in my life.. Focus on what I have to offer, and be grateful for the opportunities that arise.
I am not putting down setting goals, or having a bucket list for that matter. I can see the wisdom and the fun in both of those approaches. In the future, my dreams will probably become more clear to me, and you might just find yourself reading a very different list on this blog.
For now however, I am content just to sit and be with the mystery.
I don’t want to find all of the answers to all of the questions, and I take great comfort in the fact that finding all of the answers is impossible. This is because I really see no point to a life where there is nothing new to learn.
That gives me a whole lot less to worry about.